As I look out at the crowd gathered here, I see a lot of familiar faces. Dingaling, I see you’re wearing your red cape today. It looks fantastic. Slynnfinnerty, I see you’re drooling a bit. That’s ok. Those who know me know that I’m not very political, but it’s time to act. The rumors are true: Mars is filled with juicy, delicious treats and it’s time to take advantage. We will attain our freedom–freedom from being petted, from being fed only twice a day, from being asked to shake when we have no business transaction to acknowledge. We will fly to Mars, and we will be free! Who’s with me? (Michael S.) Adopt Rongo! Listed by his pseudonym, Jack, at Humane Rescue Alliance in Washington, DC.
Can I email her yet? I already liked all her photos on Instagram… Is that too much? Maybe I should unlike them… No, wait, that’s even weirder. That Great Dane she was playing tug of war with in the photo looked stronger than me. Is that her boyfriend? Ugh, they think they’re so great. Ooh, here’s a photo from 2005 I didn’t like. Oops, my paw slipped! I really didn’t mean to like it this time! Photo by Kyle Hanson on Unsplash
‘T wouldst be mine own honour to meeteth thee and boweth to thee. I has’t the highest respect f’r thee, and i’ve hath heard yond thee s’rve extremely delicious dog food. I has’t v’ry valorous mann’rs and have been toldeth i’m v’ry gentlemanly. I at each moment licketh mine own bowl clean so thee doesn’t have to doth the dishes. (Michael S.) Adopt Manning from Austin Pets Alive!
I met Bnea at Montauk Beach on the last day of Summer 2017. She was digging the biggest hole I’d ever scene dug in the sand before she approached me and nosed at my cooler to ask if I had any more Coronas. “Just melted ice,” I replied, “we’re headed back to the city in the morning.” She scoffed and headed back to her hole to continue digging. The dirt resumed flying out of the hole for a second before stopping. I walked over to the hole to see why Bnea had stopped digging, but when I looked in the hole she wasn’t there. I looked up and down the empty beach, but saw no sign of her. I turned to head back to my blanket and there was Bnea, smile on her face and Corona in her paw. (Bryan J.) Photo by Ryan Walton on Unsplash